Participle

As a parent of a “spirited” pre-teen daughter, it was most helpful to step back from an angry situation at hand and talk with a friend who also had a pre-teen daughter. Also helpful to have other adults for my daughter to talk to — an aunt or one of her teachers. Going for a walk in the woods was great for airing out family relationships, the trick was to get her to come with us parents. Candy bribes…
We have routinely had Family Meetings when something tricky had to be figured out. Maybe once every few months. Kids complain about having to sit through them, but they get their voices heard; they get equal time. and we always heard them out and tried to implement something in response to what they said. I’m all for family meetings. My own parents never did that kind of thing. The kids get heard and they have their parents full attention, no one is going anywhere for that hour or so.

every second, every minute of the day , every experience that we have (i.e every experience that we choose to have) make us stronger , more grounded - gives us greater boundaries at some level. so that we are better able to face the challenges of tomorrow.

so I say, to all those facing multiple difficulties, i.e are in a situation where it is very very hard to see the wood from the trees.... that “let go”. and take care of yourself, things can only get better and all will be resolved, ultimately though only with a paradigm shift in terms of how things are viewed.

This personal growth can and will only emerge after difficult conflicts.  sad but unavoidable.

I think humour got us through most of my family’s difficult times.

Growing up in a big family made me learn how important communication is. One of the main problem, which often leads to the escalation of a situation that started with a minor argument, is generalization. I often found both sides, my parents and my sisters, having a precast opinion of each other why the act the way they do. This lead to misconceptions, prejudices and frustration. When I grew older I often tried to make each side understand how the other felt and why. Parents are not always only demanding, mean and want to destroy your freedom, whereas children are not always thankless, egoistic and lazy.

One simple thing which always helped ease a difficult situation was to say that no matter how unlikely it seems, they still love you and you love them.

I have been a single mother from the outset and struggled in the early years - my father died when my boy was 4 months old, friends stopped coming around, I was demoted at my work and began to hate it - and I became depressed and angry and was worried that I wasn’t as good a mother as I could be. My sense of self was toppled, every day felt difficult and I couldn’t see an end to it. I sold my house, gave up my job and moved across the country to live nearer my family. These changes didn’t create a quick fix - I am still struggling to find work and was lonely for the first couple of years - but having a little bit of support from my family, meeting like minded mothers and starting an MA have all helped to put me back on my feet. I can identify two factors that have been instrumental in helping me: first as my boy has grown, life has become easier (he’s 6 now) and secondly, spending time talking with someone (someone I met recently and don’t know well) who managed to give me confidence and empower me without making me feel patronised led to me deciding to be proactive and go back into education to improve my future.

situations that effect the whole family are very complex to judge. a number of years ago my father had to have medical tests done to see whether he had inherited a disease from his mother with a 50/50 chance. obviously the outcome potentially had implications for not only him but for his 3 children and ultimately the whole family.

this was a long process over a number of years and the emotions and stresses involved varied between all those involved. it depends alot on whether you are generally an optimistic person or someone who worries alot.

being open and honest with each other is vital because ultimately you are all going through the same situation and in times of anger or stress you need someone who you can talk to (or shout at if needs be) without lasting negativity.

Honesty and openess and a knowing that ultimately it isnt anyones fault and that whatever the outcome you deal with it together.

I lost my Dad to cancer at the age of 17 and among the many things that were really helpful in getting me through those first 2-5 years was a constant reminder from my Mum that it wasn’t an excuse, that my Dad had just died, and it was a massive trauma to deal with.  It just meant that even though I was moving on I didn’t underestimate the impact that that event had on my life, and I wasn’t too hard on myself for the effects that it had.